( Original Post on April 18, 2008 )

( Update )

The prologue:
I wonder if it was something that I could have seen coming but was too naïve to see, or was it something that just came out of no where...at least for me.
If it could have been premeditated, could I have done something to change the out come? If it not, should I believe I'm not at fault?
I don't know if I should be making assumptions at this time but I have feeling that at the end when everything has been said and done, when every doubt and questions has been cleared and answered, I will not be upset or hurt but relief as the tormentous weight is lift off of me no matter what the out come will be.
I know at times I can be a pessimist but this time is different, my pessimism is not accompanied by sadness or fear but by a feeling of serenity and hope as I wait for the out come to occur.
I wont do anything at this point I will just stand back and watch the chips fall into place, I don't think there is much I can do at this moment but watch and read the signs though I have to admit that I'm getting a little tired of all this fuckery and can't wait for everything to be cleared out, I'm 100 % sure I don't need certain people in my life.

I wrote this on October 4th and I was going to post it but since I felt better after writing it I decided not to, since then somethings have happened that led to the outcome I was waiting for and which I will write about so it made sense to me to just post this.


( The Outcome )

I know this is long and that is not of an interest to many but I needed to write it down because it helps me, it liberates my mind of some thoughts and it helps me express myself better and organize my thoughts. Yes I did save some of the conversation I had with my friend because I wanted to be specific when writing about it, before the conversation occurred I already knew I was going to be writing about this situation.

These few days I've been feeling very anxious and disappointed in others but mostly on myself, and as I daydream of what has to be, I find myself not taking action just hesitating and contemplating about something that I has to be done for my own good. I tie myself down with an invisible rope of doubts, and I've been doing this for the past three years. I use lack of motivation and fear as my excuse, sometimes I want to break down and cry but why should anyone including myself take any pity on someone like me when I have chosen this wrong path. One of the things I need to learn is to be alone and I don't mean alone in my house but outside in the world, I need to learn to take chances and not depend on others. I have to start fresh and I have to do this before is too late. One of the things I need to change in my social life is to surround myself with positive people, and befriend new people, maybe some that share my same views or maybe have similar tastes since my friends and I don't really have the same views or hardly anything in common, it makes me wonder how the hell we are even friends.

I was soooo bored and decided to take some quizzes just for the entertainment factor and here is what I found out about myself with such in-depth questionnaries;

On my personality and appearance:
It appears I should be a blonde who wears natural looking makeup, I'm Raven (from some cartoon that I don't even know) with a mix of Elaine from Seinfeld (I never watched that show). I'm a Dare Devil Daphinee (Idek), who is intuitive and logical at the same time, and my theme song is "What I've done" by Linking Park.

Movie Trivia
I know a lot about the Nightmare Before Christmas! Most likely I have seen the movie at least 10 times, own it, and am completely obsessed with it. I'm a LOTR fanatic as well ^_^,
I have absolutely no idea what the Pirates of the Caribbean the Curse of the Black Pearl was about (WTF!!! I love the damn trilogy, I feel so ashamed). I'm a Pottermaniac (lol yes I am).
I'm Edward Scissorhands and the movie that describes me the most is....Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.


Yeah...I'm done, now I'm bored of quizzes. I must say that most were kind of shitty if not completely shit.

Here are the links to the quizzes, since I hadn't been to Quizilla in a very very long time I didn't know the posting of the whole results with the pictuers and blah blah... wasn't an option anymore and it sucks I liked it the other way better.

( Personality and Appearance )
( Movie Trivia )

( This is for you Fabianalu11 )

So this past weekend; Saturday to be more precise, something amusing happened to me…actually I think it was more amusing to my friends; fabianalu11 and lsgrc8, than me. It was also a first since it had never happened to me before. So my friends and I had planned on going to the beach that morning, I was ready with my denim cut out shorts, a white almost see-through shirt over my bathing top; a black with white and pink polka dots halter top, it is also my favorite two piece from the ones I have (not many, just three). So we’re on our way to the beach and almost half way there my halter top snaps open from the back, making me jump out of surprise. When I try closing it I realize the cause of the snapping, see this halter top is tied behind the neck with straps and it has back hook closure at the bottom, well the plastic hook broke off. I wasn’t able to tie it, we were to far away from my house to go back, and I was not going to walk around with an almost see-through shirt with nothing underneath. So we decided to stop at cvs to buy a bra, I couldn’t go myself so my friends went for me, there were no bras…soooo fabianalu11 says to go to a Big Lots that was almost across the street and see if they had any bras there. She went in while my other and I looked for a parking space. It seriously took her 20 minutes to find and buy the bra, she calls me saying that there are only Ds and all the boxes had been opened or were broken. I was loosing hope when suddenly she finally finds my size and there was only one left but it was black…so black it is then. So I managed to put it on rather quickly while we continued our way to the beach, before I had even tried putting it on I don’t know if I said something or what was it that may lsgrc8 looked back and fabianalu11 thought I was changing and thought that he had seen something so she hits him…and well that was just awkaward -^_^-
So anyways, I was a bit nervous about it being black since my shirt was white but it wasn’t so bad, I had planned on returning the bra after but I ended up keeping it, it’s quite comfortable and it looks nice, I have to give it to my friend, she’s the first one to have ever bought me a bra the fitted and that I liked lol.
So we went to the beach, we didn’t spend too much time there and to be quite frankly I think is the first time I go the beach I feel so bored out my mind. I spend the whole time under a palm tree while fight fire ants, I didn’t want to get tan, I already have an uneven tan from the Water park I went last week and besides I don’t mind just a bit of color but I don’t like getting tan, use to love it but not anymore.
So after the beach we went to KFC (never again, at least not in my part), so I didn’t know they were sponsored by Pepsi which I dislike, so I decided to drink Mount Dew which I do like but this one tasted like medicine, what am I to do then? Well I had brought a few cans of coke for the beach and they were still a bit cold so I went to the car and got my friend and I one. Later we over lsgrc8’s house to watch Knowing, and what a depressing movie it was, I hate end of the world movies =(
And that’s how I finished my weekend.

I decided to write down my experience on my first time going to a gig and seeing Nightwish live. From the moment I left from Miami, Florida to the moment I left Atlanta, Georgia. I arrived yesterday (Saturday) from the trip but was to tired and lazy to write anything down, so here it for anyone who wants to read it.
( From Miami to Tampa )( On our way to Atlanta from Tampa )( The masquerade )( Playlist )( The After Math )( Things to Complain about )( PICTURES )

I woke up today and laid in bed with a pair of foggy eyes and heavy eyelids. I laid there arguing with myself back and forth if it was worth getting up, when suddenly I heard a somewhat familiar sound. My dog came to mind; when she runs, her nails do a clicking sound against the floor, and when she’s in the apartment above in which my uncle, aunt and cousins live, I can hear her footsteps. At first I thought she was outside my bedroom door but then thought she could be upstairs when just then the sound became familiar and it’s not a sound I like to hear. Ever. Let alone in my room. Then I saw it there on the ceiling, well I couldn’t really SEE it because my eyes were still foggy, but I did see something black moving on the ceiling. I freaked out, I knew it was bug but I didn’t know which kind exactly, so the first word to come out of my mouth was “MOM!”, even though she’s afraid of bugs like me. I scattered around trying to find my flip-flops and get the hell out of my room. My vision was becoming more clear by the time was up and ready to leave, my mom opened the door asking what was wrong, and while pushing pass her I told her, “there is a bee in my room!”

Now, I know the sound bees make is more of a buzzing, but when it was at the ceiling doing I don’t know what, it didn’t make the buzzing sound, not until it was flying against my bedroom window trying to get out. I should make clear that I truly dislike bugs; I don’t mind them as long as they don’t enter my domain, and if they do then they have signed their own death. But there is an exception with some insects, even though I will not touch nor live with them; I don’t dislike butterflies or bees although I’m scare of them. My mom is the same way, by the way. On that note we decided to help the bee live another day. I took a long transparent plastic cup which I had bought years ago at Mcdonald’s when I had decided to try their Iced Coffee, which was big mistake because it tasted like bitter crap. So I placed the cup on top of the bee and waited, and waited, and waited some more but the bee never flew towards the inside of the cup and I was too scare to try and raise the cup to put a plastic lid on it since the bee could fly out and sting me, I’m pretty sure it was pissed off already.

Since it wasn’t collaborating it was slowly getting closer to her death, I decided to let the cup go so that it could fly against the window in vain until it would perhaps get tired and would make it easier to catch. Again I was afraid so I dropped the cup and made a run for it. When I turned around the bee was buzzing but it wasn’t on the window, I thought she might have fallen inside the cup, but no, she was on the floor upside down and struggling. My mom quickly placed the cup on her, it then flew up and that’s when I raised the cup and placed the lid under it. I was so excited, and happy to have captured it. We took it outside and set her free.
It was over, I went back to my room, and on my way there I thought of writing about this. I was also thinking about how the bee got in my room; we didn’t understand how it had gotten in, the windows in my house have a screen and they were also closed, so it couldn’t have been by there….I was lost in my thoughts when then; “what’s that sound?”…and there it was, another bee. From where the hell are they coming from!? Again we tried to catch it but I gave up fast when noticing it had more fight in it than the last one, I let the cup fall again but she kept itself on the window. My mom told me to go and have something to eat since I hadn’t eaten anything, while she waited for the bee to get tired. I went and ate, and went back to my room and sat next to my mom. I was talking to her, don’t remember about what, and then…guess…another bee popped up…..

I told my mom to forget it, to kill them because we couldn’t get them both out. The events that took place afterwards were hilarious, my mom screaming and running away from them every time she would spray them and freaking out thinking that they were on her. She thinks that one of our neighbors, a young guy whose balcony is across from my window; saw her running around and screaming. I told her to call my cousins for help, if anyone was going to get stung it wasn’t going to be me or my mom; when all of the sudden she hears some buzzing sounds coming from her room…you guessed it! More bees! She went to get my cousins and I went to look for the bees in my mother’s room; there were two more. I decided to close the air conditioning vent in my room just incase since both of the bees in my room, I saw coming from around the vent. My cousin came and killed them, all four. Now it was really over. There are no beehives close to the house, at least my cousin and mom didn’t see any, and we still haven’t figured out from where the bees came.

Finally after more than a week of waiting the tickets arrived, it's becoming more and more real that I'll be going to my first gig and not only am I going to experience my first gig but it'll be a gig of my #1 favorite band..... NIGHTWISH! *squeals of joy*

It's a 10 (or maybe a little bit more) hour drive from where I live but it'll be so worth it =)
My brother doesn't like them but he'll be the one taking me sooooo since he's taller than me he'll be the one to take pictures for me =D

Ok I'm done now =)

My feet are sore, my legs feel weak, I only slept 3 hours and last night has already become a bad memory.

So yesterday was my first time going to a night club and it wasn’t what I hoped it would be, on the contrary it was what I hoped it wouldn’t be. I was nervous at first since being my first time going there and excited that my parents actually allowed me to go, letting me stay out after midnight for the first time as well. I’m 19yrs old but my parents are over protective so this was something I had to enjoy. I was picked up by my friend at 11:15 pm he was accompanied by a friend of his (a girl), we arrived at the club 11:45 pm, and I left the club 1:45 am, my brother picked me up since my parents only allowed me be out until 2:00 am and my friend wasn’t leaving until 3 or 4 am, so the condition was that my brother would pick me up.
From 11:45 pm -1:45 am I went through several stages of emotion while not able to sit once. I started nervous, then uncomfortable; standing around staring to move a little to the talentless music of reggeaton and there were not that many people at the time we arrived, then I started to feel awkward moving my feet, hips and ass to that of horrible music, afterwards I started to feel nostalgic; wanting to be home listening the music I really enjoy and at that moment Sonata Arctica was dwelling in my brain. There was even one point where I felt embarrassed and that was when they played Salsa for the first and only time, seriously I do not know how to dance that even though I’m Cuban and that’s Cuban music, I was trying to dance it and fail miserably; a total mess with whatever I was doing with my feet. I wouldn’t stop checking the time; I wanted my brother to arrive to get me out of that sweaty, smelly, hot, shithole.
If I had known that they were only going to play reggeaton I wouldn’t had gone. I was lied to, my friend told me they only played house music, party music and some reggeaton but the only party/house music they played was a mix with reggeaton. The place wasn’t as nasty as some others I’ve heard of where the people there are having sex with clothes on (perhaps some actually have sex), but at this club there was still a lot of grinding of males with females.

So here is a list of what I liked, disliked, and highlights of the night;

DISLIKES from that club:
Reggeaton, I used to love it about four years ago before I realize that all the songs have the same beat and all the lyrics are the same mindless sex, money and power bullshit talk; “I want to fuck you tonight, you know you want me I’m better than your man, I have all the money in the world blah blah blah….” And once they ran out of melodies they started to rip-off melodies of old non-reggeaton songs.

How the sluts and guys dress. The sluts; don’t know why they even put clothes on when they don’t leave anything to the imagination.
The guys; they try to dress “preppy” with Hollister and those other brand shirts to look cool and hip and yet they still manage to look cheap.

To be able to sit you need to rent a table beforehand.

LIKES:
…………….

HIGHLIGHTS:
I was actually dancing

A girl stepped on my pinky toe.

My brother arrived at last =)


Ps. Tonight I'll be going to another club with my brother, this one is a gothic club. Hopefully I'll feel more at ease there even though I'll only know my brother and I'm so shy that I'm actually antisocial =( But will see how it goes.

I am so happy, first time I vote and it didn't go to waste. I found out Obama had become president right when he was about to give his speech, I had been asleep throughout the whole thing so I didn't know how the votes were doing. Through these past few weeks I hadn't given Mcain any thought I wasn't nervous, I was confident that Obama was going to be president. Good energy you know, like the Law of Attraction ("The Secret"). Imagine if had been the other way around, I wouldn't be writing this and I would be planning my move to another country.

Well as I there watching Obama give his speech for a split of a second I was about to let go of a tear...but then I was like "I'm not a up for this sentimental bullshit" so I remained with a happy heart and a smile. And Biden, that man sure brings a smile to my face; all he needs to do is smile, he is very contagious you know :)

Well that's about it, now all that's left to do is wait and see how things evolve.

Peace!!!